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Cover for 'How to Disappear Completely'

Part film noir detective story, part fantasy adventure, part East End gangster tale, How to Disappear Completely concerns Theo Braithwaite, a failed actress and worse waitress, becoming involved in an unseen world populated by history's rejects and runaways from a secret society known as The Footmen. A stranger to London, waiting for life to come and find her, she is instead found by a part-time thief called Kilbey Salmon who, along with his rockabilly-obsessed partner, is attempting to eke out a living stealing things that have already been stolen and finding people who don't want to be found.

An episodic narrative, Kilbey and Nero's capers will drag Theo through the forgotten parts and people of London, hunted by ancient sects, carnivorous shadows, cannibalistic butchers and off-duty policemen. Along the way she'll meet the Eternal Footmen, blow up Hammersmith Bridge, reach the end of history and quite possibly disappear completely.

If Theo is to survive, she'll need to get her life sorted before all of our futures catch up with her.

Truly great writing and voice acting! I find myself forgetting that it is just one person doing the voices. Love the noir world you've created that's so full of whimsy and adventure, wish I could live there... I guess I can while the episodes last!
Just finished chapter 1 and I just wanted to stop by and leave this comment....I am hooked. It has the makings of a great detective novel. I cannot wait to get started on Chapter two. I noticed this is a series. Thank Goodness. You just found yourself yet another fan. ...
Hi I am listening to this book at present. A lot of writers can write an exiting novel, but very few have such a superb command of English. I love the English, Chaim
What a full on wonderful book! Three cheers and kudos for Myke's powerful, imaginative, fantastically original story. There is nothing off-the-shelf here, nothing but a new and enthralling take on the everyday here-and-now, but with such twists! Amid and amongst us is a dark and dysfunctional society, which can see ...
the story is long but its impossible to be bored as he always conjures up an unexpected and interesting twist. the reading was excellent. not since Shantaram has a reading voice been so captivating. and the incidental music was well chosen and extremely well integrated. now for electricity
I love it. It seems to be carrying on torrid affairs with both Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently and Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere," and that is a wonderful thing. I was absolutely hooked by "She was wearing a life with someone else's name on the tag, itching at her neck." The writing ...
Captivating and entertaining. But what do you do for an encore?
Nearing the end of the story now, and am thoroughly enjoying each chapter. Theo, Kilby and Nero are wonderfully quirky characters drawn from life's seamy underbelly out into the light of day. Still not sure how all will turn out. Love this book! So glad there's more from this author ...
I agree wholeheartedly with the post earlier about the *capital P* Prose in this novel. Getting a print copy of this work would be about the best thing I could think of. I seriously make CD's of HtDC and give them to anyone who is remotely interested in an audiobook. ...
Unique, a little (more than a little) off center, addictive, often surprising and consistently entertaining. Myke, thanks so much!
  • 1. The Grey Men

    In which Theo arrives late to her last morning of employment at the Camden Cafe, with little idea that life is about to take a sharp detour. London is about to surprise her - at last! - just not in the way she'd been expecting. For a start there are the two men watching her from across the road, not to mention a personal phonecall from a terrorist who's just blown up Hammersmith Bridge. And who exactly is Kilbey Salmon?
  • 2. Pale Ghosts

    In which Theo makes a friend, an enemy and an ex-boyfriend. Over several glasses of wine, secrets are revealed. 'There are ghosts here, y'know? In the brickwork, down the drain. But they're shy, right? They don't come out for just anyone. They know better.'
  • 3. The Last Train

    In which taking the last train home leads Theo into a darker world than even that she knew to exist underground. With phantoms crawling from the walls, help arrives in the form of a drunken stranger - Kilbey Salmon: tall, dark and utterly improbable. But can he save Theo from her own shadow?
  • 4. The Grieving Girlfriend

    In which we uncover the terrible business of Salmon and Dusk. A beautiful woman makes Kilbey an offer he politely declines, but he takes on her case regardless. While Nero fumes about the car's lack of central heating, Kilbey plans to track down a lost boyfriend who may already be beyond finding.
  • 5. The Albion

    In which Theo is taken to a underground bar in a Camden toilet and Kilbey meets a punter. Nero talks about time travel and cab routes, while the barman puts the decline of the nation down to the rise of the theme pub. By the way, just who are The Eternal Footmen?
  • 6. Nation of Shopkeepers

    In which Theo sinks further into Albion while Kilbey and Nero do a spot of shopping. Encountering the unsavoury gaze of the Meatmarketers and a Shopkeeper who would prefer they took their business elsewhere, the three begin their hunt for a stolen book and a boyfriend'ss ashes. But can anyone be trusted?
  • 7. The Thief, The Butchers and The Wardrobe

    In which Kilbey and Theo drive into a stranger's cellar to steal some ashes, only to interrupted by some unsavoury sorts with the same idea. Not everyone here will get out alive. Or at all.
  • 8. An Open Book

    In which Nero heads to Soho for a dodgy book and finds more than he'd bargained for.
  • 9. Breakfast at the Greasy Spoon

    In which Kilbey and Theo share breakfast and a few secrets, while Nero has some surprises to bring to the table. All three are about to discover that if the food doesn't kill them, there are plenty about willing to give it a shot.
  • 10. Close of Business

    In which Kilbey and Nero gather new enemies and a few bruises. The location of the stolen book is discovered and this terrible business reaches a worse conclusion.
  • 11. Retracing Her Steps

    In which Theo deals with a bad hangover, untidy flatmates, a misplaced wallet and a lover with a bad case of amnesia. Surely Saturdays used to be more straightforward?
  • 12. Terror At Tesco

    In which Theo worries she is being followed by stalkers, known by evangelists and slowly becoming invisible. When her biggest concern should be how many bottles of red she can drink in an evening, a trip to the supermarket takes a surreal and terrifying turn.
  • 13. A Life of Diminishing Returns

    In which Nero gambles on finding a drugdealer and lucks out with a threatening vicar while Kilbey has an early night.
  • 14. You Are The Quarry

    In which Theo falls into someone else's bad dream and a trip to Oxford Circus takes a strange and worrying turn.
  • 15. A House on the River Fleet

    In which Kilbey drives dangerously, Nero hikes across London and Theo spends a night on the river.
  • 16. Nobody's Daughter

    In which Kilbey finds his man and spills his drink. Theo is briefly impressed by his professionalism but quickly realises when things seem straightforward, there's been some misunderstanding.
  • 17. Seconds/Thoughts

    In which Nero hatches a plan, Kilbey smells a rat and Theo has some doubts.
  • Chapter 18: A Handful of Nothing

    In which Kilbey and Theo find a dead girl while Nero plays a dud hand.
  • Chapter 19: You Never Wash Up After Yourself

    In which Theo swaps death and danger for dirty dishes while Nero discovers he has a bad head for heights. With time on his hands, Kilbey digs up some old memories.
  • 20: Strange Cargo

    In which Kilbey and Nero hunt hounds for a Vegan Terrorist, while dark things are stirring on a London Council Estate.
  • 21: Black's Proposal

    In which Theo tries to return a gift, Kilbey is given a challenge he can't refuse and spirits start to walk the corridors of a London Council Estate.
  • 22: Black Magic

    In which something unpleasant washes up in a canal, Kilbey buys some milk and Theo witnesses an exorcism in a council flat.
  • Church of Chaos

    In which Nero goes looking for people he never wanted to see again, Theo visits a girl who speaks in other people's voices and Kilbey meets a priest while shopping for a hangover.
  • Chapter 24: Voices in the Darkness

    In which Theo wakes up somewhere strange with something stranger and Kilbey seeks Black's help to track her down.
  • Chapter 25

    In which Nero comes home and his troubles begin, while Kilbey and Theo get to the bottom of their latest mystery. In the process, Kilbey issacrificed to some hungry shadows.
  • Chapter 26: The Disappearance of Nero Dusk

    In which Nero wakes twice and still finds bad news, while Kilbey and Theo see a reverse-psychic who tells them things are worse than they thought.
  • Chapter 27: Tempus Fugit

    In which Theo and Kilbey head south to turn themselves in, sort of, while Nero flees west but doesn't make it far. Death, Monks, explosions, surprises and revelations abound as "How to Disappear Completely" begins to hurtle towards its conclusion.
  • Chapter 28: Everything In Its Right Place

    In which Kilbey proves he's not just a pretty face, while Theo casts her eye over the text of her life and finds it dull reading. At least there's plenty of surprises and excitement going on around her.
  • Chapter 29: End of the Family Line

    In which Nero tends his bruises, Theo worries about trapdoors and Kilbey meets an old, dead friend. Revelations abound in this, the penultimate chapter of 'How to Disappear Completely.'
  • Chapter 30: World's End

    In which the end of History is reached and London falls to dust. From a thousand feet above, Theo and Kilbey are faced with some difficult decisions and - for one of them - a fatal injury. Ghosts, rockabilly and devastation on an unimaginable scale all feature in this, the final episode of "How to Disappear Completely."

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